Unmasking Gaslighting in the Workplace

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Gaslighting, a manipulative tactic aimed at undermining another person's reality and sanity, is a term often associated with abusive relationships. However, this insidious behaviour can also find its way into the professional sphere, creating a toxic environment that erodes trust, self-esteem, and productivity. While intentional gaslighting is more widely recognized, unintentional gaslighting can be equally damaging, albeit in less obvious ways. This article sheds light on the concept of unintentional gaslighting in the workplace, its consequences, and ways to address and prevent it.

Intentional Versus Unintentional Gaslighting

Gaslighting in the workplace can occur without the perpetrator consciously intending to manipulate or harm others. Unintentional gaslighting often stems from a lack of awareness, low empathy (as in narcissists), or limited emotional intelligence (the schoolyard bully with more brawn than brains). Here are just a few ways it can manifest:

Minimization of Feelings:

Unintentional gaslighting may involve downplaying the emotions or concerns of colleagues. Statements like "You're making a big deal out of nothing" or "It's not that serious" can undermine the validity of someone's feelings and experiences.

Blaming the Victim:

Intentional gaslighting involves accusing the victim of behaviour that is actually a neat description of what the coercive controller/bully boss is doing on a daily basis to their target. Gaslighters tend to attack first to reverse the narrative, and take the spotlight off themselves and their behaviour.

Invalidation of Experiences & Groupthink:

Dismissing or questioning the experiences of team members, even unintentionally, can make them doubt their own perceptions. For instance, saying "I've never experienced that here" when someone expresses discomfort with a certain aspect of the workplace can lead them to question the validity of their feelings. I had one team leader even tell me that I had no right to express my opinion in a group setting, as other people felt differently. Huh?

Selective Memory:

Forgetting (unintentional) or misrepresenting (intentional) events can lead to confusion and doubt among colleagues. Failing to acknowledge certain incidents or denying conversations ever took place can make people feel like they're losing touch with reality.

Overriding Autonomy:

When individuals are continually told what they should think or feel, their sense of self-determination is eroded. Even well-intentioned advice given without considering someone's perspective can contribute to unintentional gaslighting. How many times have you heard this: “Keep your head down and just do your job”?

Mislabelling:

The narcissistic or anti-social workplace bully is famous for accusing targets of being ‘snowflakes’ or ‘unable to handle constructive criticism’. The domestic tyrant is renowned for accusing their partner of being ‘crazy’, ‘psycho’ or ‘mentally unstable’. With narcissists, this can be unintentional in that they genuinely believe the problem is never them. They are perfect, after all!

Consequences of Unintentional Gaslighting

The impact of unintentional gaslighting on employees and the workplace can be profound:

Erosion of Trust:

Unintentional gaslighting erodes trust between colleagues, as individuals start doubting their own experiences and the intentions of those around them.

Diminished Confidence:

When one's experiences and feelings are repeatedly invalidated, self-esteem and confidence suffer, leading to reduced performance and engagement. A controlling or coercive team leader, threatened by someone’s competence or intelligence will slowly undermine that person’s confidence and competence by exclusion, hypercriticism and gaslighting.

Communication Breakdown:

Employees may hesitate to express their concerns due to fear of being dismissed or labelled as overly sensitive, stifling open communication. When permission to speak is denied and colleagues all keep quiet for fear of retribution, the gaslighting effect is complete. A culture of silence is an intensely dangerous and toxic culture.

Stress and Burnout:

The emotional toll of constantly questioning one's reality and rights can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and burnout. Soldiering on in a toxic workplace can look like this:

How Leaders Can Prevent and Address Unintentional Gaslighting

Creating a workplace that fosters open communication, empathy, and emotional intelligence is crucial to prevent unintentional gaslighting:

Raise Awareness:

Educate employees about gaslighting behaviours and their impact on mental health and productivity. Encourage them to reflect on their communication styles and interactions.

Active Listening:

Develop active listening skills to genuinely understand and validate the experiences and concerns of colleagues.

Validate Emotions:

Acknowledge and validate the emotions of others without judgement. Encourage the team to express their feelings and experiences openly – without fear of retribution.

Encourage Self-Awareness:

Promote self-awareness among employees, encouraging them to reflect on their interactions and consider how their words and actions may be perceived.

Provide Resources:

Offer resources like workshops, seminars, or counselling services to help employees improve their emotional intelligence, communication, and conflict-resolution skills.

Unintentional gaslighting can slowly corrode the fabric of a workplace, causing lasting damage to both individuals and the organization as a whole. Awareness, empathy, and effective communication are essential tools in preventing and addressing unintentional gaslighting. By fostering a culture of respect and validation, workplaces can become spaces where employees feel empowered, heard, and supported, ultimately leading to increased collaboration, productivity, and well-being.

If the CEO and management is the problem – which is usually the case – then getting out before too much damage is done is perhaps the best solution.

© Nicki Paull, 2023, aided by ChatGPT with acknowledgement to National Firefighters of Canada for image adaptation.